


Redemption of the Fallen

by Swan_Song



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Demon Blood Addiction, Depression, M/M, Self Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, self hatred
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-12
Updated: 2016-03-12
Packaged: 2018-05-26 06:06:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6226861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Swan_Song/pseuds/Swan_Song
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel couldn't believe his own eyes. His friend, the man he rescued from hell, came to do the same thing for him. </p><p>This is a story of a broken angel and  a fallen man, fighting their way back to the world, and to themselves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The First Year

Castiel was beaten and bloodied, waiting for the next round of torture. He wondered wether it will be Lucifer, Michael or a random demon. He didn't really bother remembering their name. Someone got closer, and Castiel shut his eyes. _'Demons, then.'_ He thought bitterly, when he heard his name whispered.

"Cas?" The voice was tired, rough. A voice he remembered perfectly.

"No. No. Don't you dare use him. I will kill you. I will kill you all!" He muttered, his throat too dry to talk louder than a whisper.

"Cas, open your eyes. It's me. It's me. I came to get you home. We are running away from here." The voice said, and started opening the chains. Castiel decided to risk and open his eyes, almost expecting to see black eyes staring at him, and an evil smile spread on a too familiar, too loved face. Instead he saw an exhausted, bloodied face, covered with dirt. But despite the filth, the eyes were bright green. The first color he saw after so many years in hell. Those eyes have seen so much suffering, suffered so much pain, but they were lit in hope and happiness, emotions rarely shown in that terrible place.

"Dean? What are you doing here?" Castiel whispered, still not believing his eyes. Dean gave him a wide smile, full of relief and happiness.

"So you didn't lose your mind. Man, it's so good to see you again." He opened the chains and Cas fell, unable to hold his body on his own. Dean caught his friend, dragging him to safety(if there is something called safety in hell.)

"How did you get here?" Cas whispered, still staring at the beauty that was Dean's soul. It was the most beautiful thing he saw in over a hundred years. But his face showed grief and pain. Terrible sadness.

"It's a long story. Too long for now. We have to go." He smiled lightly, handing Cas a bottle of water. He drank most of it before he saw the thirsty look on Dean's face.

"Sorry." Cas said, taking the bottle down and handing it to Dean, who tilted his head and refused to take the bottle.

"Drink. It's okay." He said, putting the bottle in the angel's hand. He was tired and thirsty, but he kept the water for an angel who doesn't even have to drink, just to give him some relief.

_'And this man refuses to believe he is a hero.'_ Cas thought, smiling bitterly. The thought of Dean kept him sane, but Dean didn't seem very sane himself. Not surprising, since he was fighting his way through hell all by himself. Unless, of course...

"How is Sam?" Cas asked, and seemed to hit a hard spot. Dean's face went blank.

"Last time I saw him, he was fine. I didn't see him for nine months. Ten if you count the earth-month I spent here." He said. It was confusing. Dean never left Sam alone. There weren't many things that could make Dean leave his brother for such a long time.

"What happened?" Cas asked, and it seemed like Dean was about to answer, when a demon yelled and a alarm was heard.

"Shit, they got us." Dean muttered, taking out a blade and handing it to Cas.

"Can you walk?" He asked, looking at the demons. Castiel, still exhausted, gave him a determined 'yes', but Dean didn't believe him. And he was right. Cas couldn't even stand, let along walk or run alone. Dean wrapped his arm around Dean's shoulder, and started running quietly, out of their reach. Cas was tired. Too tired To walk. Too tired to breathe. But Dean kept him stable. No matter how much they've been through, Castiel was still amazed by how strong Dean was. So he didn't ask questions. Truth is, he was afraid of the answer. He feared the 'how' and the 'why'. He feared Dean asking questions too. He still wasn't ready to deal with everything. Not yet. Maybe after they get out.

Once in a while, they will get into a fight, and Cas would see a side of Dean he saw only once or twice in his life. A dark side. It was full of anger, it's true, but most of it was despair. A lost, desperate look, saying 'please, kill me. I don't care. I have nothing'. A look of a dead man forced to live. One time, after a really bad fight, Cas decided to break the silence.

"You didn't expect to survive, did you?" He asked quietly. Dean looked at him, his eyes empty pits. He smiled a little, trying to hide it. 

"Well, it's good to hear you talk again." Dean's voice was rough, but seemed honest. Seemed like the voice he remembered, the voice that kept him alive. But he didn't let himself get distracted. 

"You didn't answer my question. Did you expect to survive?" Cas repeated, looking at Dean. The smile fades from Dean's face. 

"This fight? Yeah, I fought to survive. I fought to survive because I can't let you walk alone for ten years until you get to the portal. But I know what you saw. You saw what I truly feel. I don't care if I die, as long as you are safe, out. Okay? Just let me do one good thing in my entire life, and help you out." He said, and Castiel saw all the pain in his eyes and his body language and his soul. The beautiful, bright soul he once saved from hell, came back to save him. And just like then, it was bleeding, broken. He put a hand on Dean's shoulder. 

"You do a lot of good, all the time. You devoted your life to doing good. I won't leave you behind. Like you never left me behind." Cas said, and something in Dean's soul cracked even more. 

"You don't know what I did. If you knew, you would've been disgusted. You would hate me almost like I hate myself." Dean whispered, his voice shattering. He looked into the angel's eyes, begging.

"This will never happen. I will never hate you. No matter what you did, I did worse." Cas forced the words out of his mouth. He was still weak, too weak to walk by himself. Dean gave him a faint smile. 

"Save your power. You are gonna need it." Dean said, and helped him stand. Cas was amazed by how good the mask Dean wore was. It perfectly masked the cracks. 

"When I'm strong enough, we can fly. It will take less time." Cas said, just wanting to hear Dean speak again. 

"Okay. Just take your time, okay?" The man smiled and kept walking, every step harder and more painful than the other. 

The first year passed. 


	2. The Second Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel learns how to deal with nightmares. Dean dreams about the year outside.

_'No. This can't be happening. It's impossible. I was out, right? I was out? No. It was a dream. It must've been a dream. Why would Dean come all the way down to save me?' Burning pain filled the angel, as a demon carved into his skin, humming._

_"You are going to be my masterpiece, little angel. This is my art. I will make you beautiful red, little angel, let it soak that pretty coat of yours." He muttered, cutting again. Castiel screamed, when he heard a distant voice._

_'Cas? Cas!" The strange voice was worried. Could it_ _be..._

"Cas? Cas!" He woke up to Dean, shaking him. Confusion filled him. Wasn't it a dream? Did he lose consciousness? He dragged himself back, clutching his blade. 

"I know, okay? I know, you are having a hard time figuring what's real and what is just a dream. I went through this. I know. But you have to focus on me. I'm real. You, out of there? Real. I know it's hard, but you have to focus. It gets easier when you know what's real." Dean said, spreading his hands to show Cas he is unarmed. The angel was still clutching his blade, but he seemed less scared and more confused. Dean caught the hand holding the knife gently, looking into the frightened eyes, the only spot of color in that terrible place. Eyes that were more than normal, human eyes. Eyes that saw the entire creation, now frightened and lost. 

"Leave the blade, Cas. It's okay." He said quietly, like talking to a wounded animal. The angel's breath was quick and shallow, but he let go of the blade. The look in his eyes, the look of fear and pain, broke Dean's heart. 

"Just breathe, Cas. It's okay. I got you out, and right now we are running away. I have a way out. I got you." Dean talked softly, and Cas slowly calmed down. 

"The dreams ever leave?" Castiel asked quietly his voice trembling. Dean lowered his head. 

"Not really. But it's easier when you understand what's real and what isn't." He said quietly. Hell flashed in his head, making him flinch. 

"It never leaves, but once you get out, once you get to reality, it's easier to manage. And you can always ask me what's real. It might help." He smiled, and Castiel nodded. They kept walking quietly, sneaking in the hallways. 

"Are we really getting out?" Cas asked, trying to do what Dean suggested. 

"Yes." Dean answered. 

"Are you a demon? Is this another torture?" The angel looked around, suspecting. The demons could take their time, you with him. 

"No and no. It really is me." Dean said as Castiel caught a glimpse of his soul. It was beautiful and it was  _his._ It calmed him down. It was pure and good, even broken and hurt. They kept walking. 

Down in hell, one doesn't need much sleep or rest, considering the fact the demons wanted their victims to suffer as much as they could. So the next time they stopped wounded and bloodied from a hard fight, was a few months later.

"You sleep this time, Dean. I am already better, and soon we can fly. It will be easier that way, getting out." Castiel said. Hell wasn't a place for humans, let along celestial beings. They better get out as fast as possible. Dean smiled nervously.

"Truth is, I'm sort of afraid of flying." He said, almost apologizing. Cas tilted his head and put a hand on Dean's shoulder, right where he held him when he was the one to drag Dean out of hell. Back then, he held Dean close to his chest, as he fought their way out. 

"I know your fear, and it's not the flight itself. It's the falling you are way too experienced with. But I will never let you fall. Do you trust me?" He asked, afraid of the possibility that the answer will be the one he expects. But Dean didn't push him. He didn't shift uncomfortably. He looked straight into Cas's eyes. 

"I trust you." He said, nodding at his friend. _'It's me I don't trust.'_ He added I. His thoughts, ashamed. The blood on his hands brought up terrible feelings, things he convinced himself that he forgot. But he never quite did.

"I'm going to sleep. Wake me up in a few hours or so, we'll switch." Dean said and lay in the dark corner, his hand tucked under his head. 

_Dean was on his knees in the empty field. Just moments ago they were fighting for their lives, but now everything was wrong. The rebellious demons killed Crowley, and dragged Cas down. To hell. He couldn't take it. He was shocked. All of a sudden, there was someone in front him. Sam._

_"Dean? Dean, are you okay?" His voice came from such a long distance. It felt like he was underwater, trying to understand his brother, trying to speak, trying to think, but nothing came. What broke the ice, the thing that brought him to the surface, was Sam's desperate plea._

_"Dee!" He called, just like when they were nothing but kids. Before Sam even knew how to pronounce his name. 'Stay focused on this. You can shut yourself down later. Right now, Sammy needs you._

_"I couldn't save them. There were too many." Dean said, his voice broken. Sam hugged him, and helped him up._

_"It's okay. It's not your fault. What happened? Tell me." Dean knew Sam tries to keep him focused while they go home, to the bunker._

_"The demons just climbed out of hell. There were too many of them. They surprised us. They got Crowley first, slicing his throat open. Cas and I barely had time to take out the blades. We just fought to survive. That was all we could do. Then, while I was fighting, they caught Cas. I couldn't save him. They knocked him down, grabbed him and jumped into the portal before I could even get closer. All of them. I couldn't stop them." For a change, Dean talked. After such things he usually didn't say a word, but this time he had to stay above the water for Sam. At least until they get to the bunker. They arrived, and Dean went to his room, to take a shower. He ignored Sam, who asked to take a look at his wounds. He just thought they weren't enough to pay for his uselessness. He stepped into the shower, and took his razor out. He planned on shaving only, to feel cleaner. He really did. How did it end up this way? How? 'Because everything you do ends like this. In blood. You have to pay.' A voice in him told him. It was a voice he carried ever since he was 27, ever since Cold Oak. He had to pay. That time, he payed with his soul, and it was enough. When Sam jumped to the cage, the payment changed. 'Blood for blood.' The voice said. 'Your blood for his.' Lisa didn't know. She knew he was weird and messed up, and she accepted him that way. But she never knew he bought that time with her, payed for his sanity with blood. So he started paying. He payed for Sam. And for Bobby. And for Cas. And for the people he couldn't save. And for the people he killed. He knew it was wrong, but the blood... It made him feel good. It made him feel clean, like he bled his sins away. So he stopped for Sam. He was clean for six months, but now... He just couldn't stop. The ritual of taking the razor and bleeding his crimes, his guilt, it was the only thing keeping him functioning. But he will never forget the moment an idea popped in his head, a week after everything that happened. The worst idea he ever had. Worst mistake of his life. This was when he put the razor down and smiled._

_He was going to hunt._

Dean woke up, pain and regret filling him. He looked at Cas who seemed to understand, as he stood up and walked quietly, not making eye contact. The same vision showed in Dean's mind every time he closed his eyes. 

And like that, the second year passed. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, I really hope you liked the story so far, though it wasn't very full of plot. I had to give a beginning before I continue. 
> 
> I love you all so much. Please, tell me what you think.


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